Tennessee Mechanical Engineers
Ray & Bubba (Tennessee mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. ‘We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,’ said Bubba, ‘but we don’t have a ladder.’ The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid […]
Great News — Fall Weather Blows!
It’s super annoying when parents and other old people mistake our hair styles for “just rolling out of bed.” Yeah, it looks this rad by just sleeping on it…NOT! Try several cans of Mega Hold Hair Spray! Not to mention a regular trip to the drug store for some green dye. […]
It’s super annoying when parents and other old people mistake our hair styles for “just rolling out of bed.” Yeah, it looks this rad by just sleeping on it…NOT! Try several cans of Mega Hold Hair Spray! Not to mention a regular trip to the drug store for some green dye. Or whatever color is currently the most shocking. On any given day we have nearly a dozen products in our hair and we’re tired of the old fart generation refusing to get it.
We don’t want them to accept us. Just don’t confuse our intentionally messy hair for not having combed it at all. It’s NOT BEDHEAD! Although we use that too. The art of getting you hair to look like you didn’t even touch it is getting tougher all the time. The slighted misplaced cowlick can blow the entire statement. Retro can mistaken for Lazy if you’re not careful. Celebrities often get it all wrong.
Because we are in a band we know that image is everything. We don’t just play songs, we scream them. We haven’t ever played our guitars. We WAIL THEM!!! If we had some $9.99 Super Craftmaster Plus cuts we would confuse our audience. Our messages would be lost. Although we don’t have any written lyrics our statement is always clear. “We are rebelling!” At least two weekends a month. None of us have cars so we need to bum rides to gigs or borrow Larry’s step-dads van. He is super paranoid that we will get eyeliner on his seats so sometimes we don’t even bother asking him and just take the bus. Just because our parents live in one of the richest areas in town doesn’t mean we don’t roll public transit. It’s one of the only places where we feel truly at home. You’ll find our gum on most of the back seats. it’s a point of pride.
The important thing is that when we show up at a show ready to thrash, our hair looks like we’re headliners. It’s so perfectly manicured that you would assume we’re either homeless or supernatural. Or somewhere in between. The crowd notices the effort and they respect it. They bob their head to our distorted tunes while our elders shake their head in disappointment. Our parents and other lame old people think we are leaving the house “looking like wrecks.” Yeah, a twisted wreck of GothRock, Rad Hair and and Rebellion! The good news is that Summer is winding down and the windy Fall weather is really great for inspiring new in your face hair trends.
We’ll try to write again soon but we’re all leaving on a family trip to Orlando. We’ve agreed to go to Disney world but I guarantee we’ll get kicked off the Tea Cups.
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Goth For Gigs
(If you are interested in booking us, go to H-E double hockey sticks! We don’t deal with fascist capitalists!)
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Funny Jokes - A good question
A good question An airline pilot wrote that onlanding this particular flight he had hammered his plane into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and say “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that, in light of his bad landing, he […]
Car salesman
Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured
one as a used car salesman.
He had no experience in this field but he figured he
could use the old sales pitch that the car was *like
brand-new* and had only been driven by a little old
lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every
prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and
no sales were made that day.
His boss was furious and threatened to fire Bill if
he didn't sell any cars the following day.
The following day he decided to change his sales pitch
and sure enough he sold three cars.
The manager of the used car dealership called him over
and asked what he had done to bring about all these
sales.
Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old
lady story, so I told them that the car had previously
been owned by your daughter who only used the backseat."
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Thanks
Priya
Increasing gas prices are leaving drive-by criminals in the dust.
Gas is expensive. It’s getting more so all the time. Mass transit is becoming overloaded with passengers forced to leave their vehicles at home. Fortunately they have that option. Certain professions rely on driving vehicles and perhaps none is more so affected than drive-by criminals. Comic Wonder secured an exclusive […]
Gas is expensive. It’s getting more so all the time. Mass transit is becoming overloaded with passengers forced to leave their vehicles at home. Fortunately they have that option. Certain professions rely on driving vehicles and perhaps none is more so affected than drive-by criminals. Comic Wonder secured an exclusive interview with an area man who is notorious for his prompt and accountability in the drive by crime sector.
Gat Brandish is a 25 year old who has built a reputation for being the best at what he does. Drive-bys. “It’s not all shooting guns and stuff…it’s also about Molotov cocktails and even like yelling bad stuff at people who you hate.” Gat looked sentimental when he spoke about “the like, olden days and stuff.” “I remember when I could jack some mark for like $30 bucks or whatever and that would fill up my Caprice with gas and leave me extra money for like other stuff. Now I need to beat a dude for like $80 duckets just to fill up my tank. Then I got to find another dude to gank beer money from.” Gat is not alone. In fact, several other area criminals contacted us with similar complaints. Sir Cutz-a-lot is a regionally famous tire slasher who says that due to increasing fuel costs his days of “rolling dirty” are behind him. “I tried taking the downtown bus to the Eastside to get a buster who stepped to me one time but the ride was like 45 minutes and I had to sit next to some dude who stank.”
It’s easy to complain about the price of fuel these days but for most of us it’s merely an inconvenience. For likeable criminals like Gat and Cutz it has become a paralyzing reality that is forcing them in to early retirement. Gat recently considered an opportunity to “roll on some trick” until he learned that it was a nearly 26 mile drive. “I had to duck that one because it’s like mad expensive when you’re rolling on duece dueces.” Gat is referring the popular auto customization of adding larger wheels and thinner tires to vehicles. His 22 inch rims are much larger than the Caprices factory designed rims. An LA Times report stated that “An estimated 20% of your fuel goes to overcoming rolling resistance from tires. The larger the tire, the more rolling resistance.” “I’ve been steady mobbing in that ride for so long I know how to translate the gauges and stuff. If it says like 70, I know I’m doing more like 58.” This is just another example of how high gasoline prices are pimp slapping hoods like Gat.
In a cruel twist of fate, Crime Stoppers recently announced that tips leading to the capture and arrest of wanted criminals you will be rewarded with a $250 gas card. “So like, I gotta chirp on one of my homeys in order to get the snaps for petro?” Gat and others are now finding themselves among the hunters and the hunted.
The next time you are filling up your Neon with $75 dollars in fuel think of those who have it even worse. I think there’s a little Gat in all of us. Since we completed this interview with Gat and Cutz, a man know as “Eddie Machete“, who claims a different set of values, turned in Gat to Police. He was rewarded with a $250 dollar gas card. ” I don’t even have a car so I’ll probably just spend it on Bugles and Combos and stuff like that in their deli.”
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The not so Great truth about the Greatest Generation
Comic Wonder has asked me to do an occasional blog. I’ll start by saying that it’s usually a rule of mine to NEVER work on holidays. Although today isn’t a traditional holiday it is an important Anniversary. This entire month is actually the 40th Anniversary of the introduction of the cubicle. The moment that we lost […]
Comic Wonder has asked me to do an occasional blog. I’ll start by saying that it’s usually a rule of mine to NEVER work on holidays. Although today isn’t a traditional holiday it is an important Anniversary. This entire month is actually the 40th Anniversary of the introduction of the cubicle. The moment that we lost our sense of individuality and gained our inner office privacy. At least from the front and sides. That aside, I am celebrating this milestone anniversary by doing what most cubicle enslaved droids do when they want to be productive….I’m working from Starbucks. Despite the recent news of downsizing you can still find a few. I came to find some inspiration for this blog and I realized that my subject was wiping the raw sugar packet crystals from the bistro tables. A charming silver haired gentleman was cleaning up after the morning rush. He was whistling like only someone of his generation could. It’s a lost art. I think our tongues have evolved to a less sophisticated design because I have never come close to whistling like my grandad could. I began feeling sad for this man because here he was in the twilight of his life wiping up coffee drips. Not that it’s a bad job but it seemed to me that he shouldn’t be working at all. It’s easy to admire this generation because of all they have been through. They are known as “The Greatest Generation” because of their experiences with World Wars, The Great Depression (even worse than our current oil crisis) and making due with however little life dealt them. They are an amazing breed of people who make up for their lack of deodorant with a flare for colorful clothing. Embroidered hearts and suspenders with jeans are a trademark. Today’s fashion is a bit more provocative. Swap the embroidered hearts for sayings like “juicy”and “hottie.” Then place those slogans on the rear end of tight pants. You get the point. This Greatest Generation have bruises and veins that seem to have stories to tell. Stories of struggle, perseverance and pride. They are to be honored and celebrated. The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw is a great testament to this idea. It’s this well intended introduction that leads me to my controversial point. If you visit a community pool on a regular basis you will likely appreciate my concern. It pains me to say it but…The Greatest Generation has the WORST BODIES! I know this first hand because I frequent a community aquatics center that is literally teeming with senior citizens. Stripped down, completely, totally and utterly nude senior citizens. It’s definitely a generational thing. Public showers are to the Greatest Generation what ipods are to Gen X & Y. They MUST use them. They are compelled to. When swim trunks will do, they opt for stark nudity. You know the bank of showers that you’ll find in the average locker room? That’s where you will find them. Forget the showers featuring curtains or partitions. Nope, they choose the wide open spaces. Good long showers that leads to a great deal of lather and body fold inspection. We all know the graphic reality of a thorough wash up but we usually reserve that for the privacy of our home. Alone. No innocent bystanders to traumatize. This generation seems to be as comfortable waltzing nude across the entire locker room as they are complaining about the poor quality food they “just paid $4 dollars for at the Golden Spork Buffet.” Their spider veins, mole clusters & oozing hair sprouts are all the armor they wear in these situations. It’s the complete and utter nudity that is the issue here. Proctologists have dealt with less graphic scenarios. Even the walk to their locker is done in the buck. I’m not sure they even own towels. To be totally honest? I am insanely jealous. It’s not for the thrill and it’s not anything sexual. It’s simply the greatest generation doing something they do naturally. Very naturally.
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Death mortgage
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Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com
Recipes - Grilled Salmon Teriyaki
World Famous Recipe for Grilled Salmon Teriyaki 1 1/2 lbs. fresh salmon fillets 1/4 c. soy sauce, light 1/2 T. sugar 2 tsp. ginger, fresh, minced 2 cloves garlic, minced 4 tsp. lemon juice, fresh squeezed oil, for grill Begin about 1 hr. before you want to eat. In a 1 cup glass measuring cup, combine the soy sauce and sugar, and heat for […]
Too Much Diet ? (Funny Pictures)
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Thanks
smilejokes.blogspot.com
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